Understanding Your Enneagram
The enneagram is a map. It literally means “the drawing of 9” in Greek.
Where it originated, no one really knows. There is speculation that it began in Russia with the philosopher George Gurdjieff, who may have been inspired by the work of the Sufis. And then it somehow made its way to the Andes mountains to Oscar Ichazo, who created the Arica School in Bolivia. In the 1980s it was brought into the larger world by Claudio Naranjo, (who studied with Ichazo in Bolivia), and into the Bay Area of California.
We will never know its precise, unfolding process.
So what exactly is the enneagram? As you can see, it’s a diagram with nine numbers.
The premise of the enneagram is that as a species, we are dependent on our caretakers for far longer than any other species. This allows our brain to develop into a very sophisticated organ, one that can reflect on itself, make tools and machinery, have deep empathy, and use advanced verbal language.
But absolutely no one’s childhood has been perfect, and some are very traumatic.
Because you are completely vulnerable to the adults around you, you unconsciously grow up using one of the numbers as a coping mechanism to help you handle the inevitable adversity and conflict. You may grow up acquiescing to keep the peace, or being very strong and assertive to ensure your needs are met, you may go inward and find solace in the beauty of your thoughts, or you may see everything with rose-colored glasses and compulsively made lemonade from the lemons you’ve been served.
You survived. You thrived. You are here, reading this blog, because of how strong and clever you are.
But for most of you reading this, you no longer live under that roof, you no longer live with those people who shaped you…and there are aspects of this “survival personality” you no longer need. You aren’t a dependent and vulnerable child who doesn’t know how to fix their wound, cook their dinner, and self-soothe. You are a capable, autonomous adult.
But most of us are still unconsciously using these early-formed coping strategies. That is what the map of the enneagram aims to help you uncover. In doing so, you can live more mindfully, with intention and awareness.
One of the enneagram numbers is your dominant number, a number that will help you to look at yourself more closely. Some of the characteristics of the numbers are uplifting and may build your confidence. It may be a source of pride for you. That’s nice and all, but of course, it’s not where the growth occurs. The growth occurs in seeing the shadowed aspects of yourself, the parts you may never have been aware of. This part of the process, the uncovering of the shadow, can be painful. In fact, it should hurt. If it doesn’t hurt, you may either have landed on the wrong number or you’re not gazing with an open heart. Over the last 25 years, an enormous amount of information has been gathered about each number, so the minute that you resonate with a number, you can have an arcane glimpse into the inner workings of yourself, by researching all that has been discovered about your number. Looking at the shadowed aspects of yourself, the parts that haven’t been brought into the light of conscious awareness is a pivotal piece to conscious growth.
It may be paramount, actually.
As you can see from the chart, each number has arrows going in two directions away from it. These are the keys to growth, the numbers that have the characteristics to help you fill in your gaps, inspire you, and help you excavate your weaknesses so that they can become strengths. They can also be where you go when you aren’t in a healthy space.
I’ll describe each number using brevity, but each one actually warrants a full book’s description. It’s like describing a human in a single paragraph…impossible. I will include the most utilized defense mechanism of each number, as well as the most basic fear that each number harbors, along with a few of the most common characteristics.
The One:
The defense mechanism of the One is reactive formation, which means they purposefully react differently to stressful situations from how they are feeling inside. They want it to seem like they are calm and in full control. This may look like a smile with gritted teeth. Their core fear is that they will be “bad”, imperfect, or wrong. They are rational, purposeful, self-controlled, diligent, routine-oriented, and perfectionistic. They can take the role of a reformer, a perfectionist, a high standard keeper, a crusader, a judge, a purist, or a critic. If you have an inner critic living in your head constantly saying that you or others “should” do something, you might be a One.
So if you’re a One, what now?
See and accept the beauty of the imperfection in the external world.
Relax your inner critic.
Prioritize pleasure, play, and humor.
Develop more compassion for your imperfect, wonderful self.
Make an effort to focus on what you and others are doing well
The Two:
The defense mechanism of the Two is repression, which means they push their more negative, less socially-acceptable feelings below the surface so they can be desirable to others. Then they meet people’s needs above and beyond what is necessary, to sort of “bank” their good deeds in (secret) hope that others will repay them someday. This may look like the over-doting friend who never asks for anything in return. Their core fear is that they will be worthless, useless, inconsequential, or dispensable. They are generous, caring, people-pleasing, and possessive. They can take the role of the helper, giver, nurturer, advisor, or caretaker. If you have a drive to win others’ approval through indirect methods (such as seduction and strategic giving) as a way to obtain support without having to ask for it, and if you relentlessly work on the “difficult people” to ensure that everyone likes you, you might be a Two.
So if you’re a Two, what now?
Intentionally get in touch with your own needs and feelings.
Actively make time to be alone.
Say “maybe” on the way from “yes” to “no”, (giving you extra time to say “no”).
Open up to receiving from others, not just giving.
Practice allowing someone to not like you, without trying to win them over.
The Three:
The defense mechanism for the Three is identification, which means they bolster their confidence by creating an image for themselves after what is desirable to their chosen group, and not after what is authentic for them. This can look like someone shifting according to who they’re with, such as wearing trendy clothes and talking about Netflix with one group, and wearing earthy clothes and talking about meditation with another group, in an attempt to present the best image at each time. Sometimes Threes end up not knowing who they are because they act in this chameleon-like way so much of the time. Their core fear is being inefficient, incompetent, and unmasked. They are adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious. They can take on the role of the achiever, performer, motivator, producer, status-seeker, and superstar. If you love making lists, and if you make everything look easy but behind the scenes you are exhausted, you might be a Three.
So if you’re a Three, now what?
Notice what gets left out when you have laser-beam focus on a project.
Give yourself time and space to experience your emotions, rather than seeing them as obstacles to your goals.
Open up to the idea that you can be loved for who you are and not just what you do.
Make a list of non-negotiables - things that inevitably are YOU regardless of who is around to witness it.
Consider more thoroughly what might happen if you fail at something, and reframe it as an opportunity to be with vulnerability (what you spend so much time avoiding).
The Four:
The defense mechanism of the Four is introjection, which means they internalize what is occurring externally and interpret it as something that is coming from within. This can look like someone unconsciously beating you to the punch, thinking the worst of themselves before you do, so that you can have nothing over them. They may feel like their relationship ended because of who they are and not because of the other person or the dynamic in the relationship. Their core fear is that they are flawed, lacking, or defective. They are dramatic, artistic, expressive, creative, and self-absorbed. They can take on the role of the romantic, individualist, artist, connoisseur, mystic, or melodramatic. If you over-focus on the past, find “what’s missing” in each situation, and value being special and unique, you might be a Four.
So if you’re a Four, now what?
Challenge your unwavering belief in your inferiority.
Recognize envy, competition, and masochistic behavior and danger signs. Actively work to appreciate yourself.
Notice when you get stuck in specific emotions, especially hopelessness, sadness, and regret, and recognize that this might be a way to avoid moving through to the other side.
Notice and work against your desire to express emotions in an intense way that creates more drama.
Actively shift your attention to see the positive - make a gratitude jar.
The Five:
The defense mechanism of the Five is isolation, which is physically withdrawing from others, (as well as staying in your own head), to avoid connecting. This can look like walking away in the middle of a fight because you need to be alone immediately, or preferring time alone to social time because others drain your energy so much. Their core fears are not existing, disappearing, and contamination. They are cerebral, perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated. They can take the role of the observer, investigator, thinker, voyeur, and guru. If human contact exhausts you and you need time to rest and recharge, if you find security in minimizing your needs, if you don’t like being surprised, and if you can pick a subject and study it until you become an expert, you might be a Five.
So if you’re a Five, now what?
Challenge your false beliefs around scarcity. Recognize that it only seems like you don’t have enough time/space/energy.
Realize that connecting with others actually increases your resources via support.
Allow yourself to increase the pleasurable ways in which you actually participate in the external world.
Recognize when you are thinking about feelings rather than truly experiencing emotions.
Recognize that your sense that there’s nothing wrong with yourself is part of your fixation. Just because your boundaries allow you to feel safe and controlled doesn’t mean it's a healthy way of being.
The Six:
The defense mechanisms of the Six are projection and splitting. Projection is attributing to others what one cannot accept in oneself. This can look like telling someone that they are closed-minded, when it is actually you who are closed-minded. Splitting is organizing things into “good” and “bad”. This can look like calling people from one political party “good” and the other side “bad”. Their core fears are fear itself, being alone, and being unprotected. They are engaging, responsible, anxious, suspicious, and committed. They can take on the roles of the loyalist, devil’s advocate, skeptic, trouble-shooter, rebel, and questioner. If you are anxious often, if you cut people out of your life once you lose their trust, if you enjoy being the devil’s advocate, if you like fitting in, and if you are extremely aware and notice things that others do not, then you might be a Six.
So if you’re a Six, now what?
Learn to discern the difference between intuition and projection; you may be unconsciously blaming others for your own feelings via projection.
Make a practice of feeling, managing, and then letting go of your fear.
Get out of your head and into your body through exercise and breathing techniques.
Keep in mind that we tend to find what we seek; vigilantly watching for danger may lead you to see danger everywhere.
Use the enneagram to see others more objectively, helping to see them as flawed humans who make mistakes and can be forgiven.
The Seven:
The defense mechanism of the Seven is idealization, or needing to see things positively. This defense mechanism is healthy for every other number on the enneagram except for the Seven, because they compulsively need to see the positive in an attempt to avoid negative emotions. This can look like making positive connections immediately after a tragedy and reframing something like losing a job with “At least now I know I’m not wanted and can find somewhere that actually values me”, before or instead of ever feeling grief. Their core fear is being incomplete, inferior, or limited. They are busy, fun-loving, spontaneous, versatile, and scattered. They can take on the roles of the enthusiast, entertainer, optimist, adventurer, energizer, visionary, and epicure. If you dislike the routine and mundane, have a hard time completing projects, are often late, are the life of the party, and are extremely optimistic, then you might be a Seven.
So if you’re a Seven, now what?
See all the ways you go to “then” to escape “now”. Focus on today instead of tomorrow or next week. Be aware of “nexting”.
Be more mindful of the moment you try to move prematurely from pain to pleasure.
Allow for a fuller experience of pain and other uncomfortable emotions, trusting that you will move through them and they won’t last forever.
Sevens pay attention to their own needs, so consciously focusing on others balances the compulsive need for freedom by being present for others. It allows for a deeper sinking into connections.
Find a healthy way (meditation, yoga, walks, art) to visit your internal world more frequently and be with your thoughts in a less manic way.
The Eight:
The defense mechanism of the Eight is denial. They may act as if a painful event, thought, or feeling does not exist, because they do everything to deny feeling vulnerable. This can look like someone saying they are fine when they are in serious physical pain, or when something very emotionally painful just happened to them. Their core fear is being humiliated, controlled, or vulnerable. They are powerful, dominating, self-confident, willful, decisive, and confrontational. They can take on the roles of the challenger, leader, confronter, alpha, maverick, and protector. If you have easy access to anger, are unchecked by any authority except for your own authority, have a big appetite for everything (food, drink, pleasure, sex), easily see the big picture in situations, and feel protective over people and animals that are weaker than you, you might be an Eight.
So if you’re an Eight, now what?
Discover ways in which rebellion against limits might lead to self-humiliation.
Broaden your view over who has authority over the truth. (How do you know you’re not wrong?)
Consult your head and heart before taking action during a conflict. Analyze the situation and slow down.
Reframe vulnerability and weakness as expressions of great strength.
Allow yourself to experience a wider range of feelings.
The Nine:
The defense mechanism of the Nine is dissociation, or going to sleep to your own inner experience. This allows you to buffer yourself against what’s happening in your life. This can look like avoiding a difficult conversation with your significant other and choosing to zone out to tv and snacks. Their core fear is being unloved, shut out, and inharmonious. They are easy going, self-effacing, reassuring, receptive, agreeable, and complacent. They can take on the role of the peacemaker, mediator, diplomat, accommodator, negotiator, or preservationist. If you have a tendency to merge with your outside world and have a diminished awareness of your inside world, if you can be passive aggressive, procrastinate, sometimes feel like you don’t know who you really are, and put your own needs to the side to meet the needs of others, you might be a Nine.
So if you’re a Nine, now what?
Practice remembering yourself. Pay attention to what you are thinking, feeling, and doing, in an ongoing, mindful way.
Ask yourself what you want, and ask others to ask you, too.
Fake it until you make it. If you’re not sure what you want or want to do, make it up.
Reframe conflict as a good thing that ultimately brings you closer to people.
Work to get in touch with your anger and be more direct, and notice when you are being passive aggressive.
Final thoughts on the Enneagram
Please keep in mind that as you are doing this self-exploration, the more aware you are of your number, the less you resemble it. You can eventually move into a place of wholeness; your shadow has been integrated, and you no longer need your defense mechanisms. You will always be the number you sculpted as a child, but it will be a sanded down version, softer around the edges. You will be less defined by your number. You will be making conscious choices about how to react, how to deal with conflict and anxiety, and how to participate in self-care when you are feeling vulnerable.
As a final thought, a fringe-benefit of knowing the enneagram is that it helps you to see others more objectively as well. Once you see why others are behaving as they do, when you can hold their fears and drives and defense mechanisms in the palm of your hand and look at them with compassionate eyes, it becomes a challenge not to see them through the eyes of love. We are all trapped in our unconscious childhood behaviors, and we are all doing the best that we can to survive and thrive. Be gentle on yourself. Be gentle on others.
